thiszhiyong

death

2011-05-09T20:54:00.001+08:00

Its a strange fact... that though we face death everyday, yet when it strikes home to those close and dear to us... we still feel angry, shocked, surprised and saddened...
Almost as if the fragility and brevity of life were something that ought not to be, as if somewhere deep inside, something tells us that this is not the way it should be, that life should somehow be eternal and not just temporary...
maybe that actually is what life is, "somewhere over the rainbow"... where life is eternal and we find out actually how temporal all we work for and live for is on this side of life...

I still wish I could turn back time so that we could have that one last futsal game...

This post is dedicated to Dr Azri Dollah.
Dearly missed friend and fellow doctor.

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thinking about medicine

2011-03-19T13:36:00.002+08:00

yeah.. thinking about medicine...

2 things i don't do much nowadays.. think... and about medicine...

since i became a robot that functions to pick up the phone and poke people with needles..

i thought it'd be nice if MOs and specialists didn't just give orders but worked together with housemen to carry out the orders... after all medicine is handed down not just by books and knowledge, but also by apprenticeship and "showing"

i thought that when i become an MO or if i become a specialist and IF i do work in a tertiary hospital... i'd MAYBE like to continue taking bloods, doing procedures, referring cases, doing work TOGETHER with HOs to show them how to do things, learn from each other... i just thought it'd be really cool if i had an MO or specialist who did things like that... i asked myself what really is the practice of medicine about? is it in.. cutting up people, or their hands or legs, or writing on pieces of papers asking people to do this and to do that.. i don't think i just want to do that for the rest of my life... i think, the practice of medicine is in talking to people, finding out what's wrong with them (which physicians do well) and treating them (which surgeons do well).. which i think, also involves the many small little procedures that are also part of the diagnosing and treating process... like blood taking, running the bloods, referring the cases, putting in the catheters and other stuff... (which housemen do, sometimes well and sometimes not so well)

but i suppose this runs true probably in a tertiary hospital.. an environment and a system which i believe isn't really all that great to deliver health care in quality, but only in quantity... i suppose we work with what we can... but i also guess that's why i probably won't want to work in a tertiary hospital for the rest of my life...

and why my ideal dream of practicing medicine is to be a GP... maybe doing house-calls, doing locum prn... and spending most of my time... lepak-ing and getting to know people...

but.. like i said in the beginning..

i haven't been thinking much.. so, this may not make much sense...

and.. i don't do much medicine... which doubles the likelihood of this not making any sense...

gym

2011-03-10T20:26:00.001+08:00

I'm posting from my phone:-)
This makes blogging so much more convenient ...
But I guess the problem with blogging is that its like going to the gym... sometimes its not that tiu don't have time to do it... you just rather do something else.. hahaha...

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here.. and there

2011-01-14T20:49:00.003+08:00

people often ask me why i'm here... in kch that is.. why i chose to come here...

i have several standard, off-the-mind, don't-wanna-answer-this-now, don't-know-you-that-well answers... oh.. of course, if i've given u the to-be-mentioned answers before, it doesn't mean i don't like u or don't know u that well... just that maybe one of the earlier mentioned reasons applied

A) training here is good- well, honestly... i didn't really know it at that time... i thought training in cardiology would be good, but still have yet to do medical yet so i don't know it yet and somewhere along the line, i think i've discovered i'm not really the medical type.. but i've discovered that surgical based training here is way better than in semenanjung la..

B) to explore/adventure/no committments in kl- well that still holds true somewhat... but working here has turned out to be a whole different "adventure" than from what i imagined... but i still love waking up and driving to the hospital with a view of Mt. Santubong and a clear blue sky to look at without any ugly buildings in view..

C)money- err... yeah, better pay i suppose.. but still not worth the hardship i think

D) any other answers... i probably really didn't want to talk about it at that time/ i don't know ur name at all...

but well the truth is... the primary motivating factor for me to choose Kch (second choice actually i think, if my poor memory is right.. first was QE) was because i felt called by God to come here...

i suppose even now, to a certain extent i feel i was called into this profession to serve poor ppl without better access to health services... i.e- OA in the deep jungles of borneo... and through that spread the gospel... and well.. perhaps eventually become a missionary dr or sth to that effect...

points FOR include... i don't mind roughing it out... and... minimal pay doesn't really bother me either...

well.. its been a year.. i suppose deep down somewhere i still think about it... but i suppose the daily grind and my deep underlying suspicion that perhaps i'm not made out to do this job has made me think often of going back to kl... either continuing as a chronic MO in some govt polyclinic or doing family medicine and also working in a polyclinic (and then i'd be able to live at HOME and come back to canaan) or maybe.. take a second degree? and do something else for a living- computer technician, sell handphone, mcD/burger king... become a pastor... which looks rather attractive because i get to be with the people i like to be with, and be with my family, and work isn't too stressful... or become a teacher.. which me and my batchmates some agree that is a much better job than being a dr.. what with school holidays and all...

so yeah.. i still believe i was called here by God...and it has really been an eye opening experience and a form of training for me to really question and strengthen my faith and to give me a purpose in life...

but to what end...

i'm still not so sure.. still cloudy from where i'm standing here... having the end of housemanship looming up soon doesn't really help me on this actually.. i have like, what.. 9 months? but being me.. oh well... see how la...

ISTP

2011-01-13T21:31:00.002+08:00

well.. i learned something new today...

daniel asked me to fill in this questionnaire, which i duly did... and it returned this result...

Introverted Sensing Thinking Percieving

I am.. 89% introverted

38% sensing

a whopping 01% thinking

and 44% percieving..

well.. says alot about my IQ... hahaha

but i found the descriptions interestingly rather descriptive of myself..

"...people who love action, and who know instinctively that their activities are more enjoyable, and more effective, if done impulsively, spontaneously, subject to no schedules or standards but their own. In a sense, Crafters do not work with their tools, but play with them when the urge strikes them..."

"...they can be fiercely insubordinate to those in authority, seeing rules and regulations as unnecessarily confining. Crafters will not usually go against regulations openly, but will simply ignore them..."

sounds like fun things i do to myself.. hehe...

and interestingly.. or not surprisingly actually.. career suggestions for myself did NOT include the medical line or anything scientific... but fun stuff that i might actually consider...

-Computer and Office Machine Repair

-Electronics Technician

-Engineering

-Mechanics/Automotive Repair

haha.. who knows

CNY frenzy

2011-01-06T22:00:00.002+08:00

i started this post wanting to rant about how i might not be able to get leave to come back for CNY, not because we're busy.. but because boss says so...

but i think maybe i won't..

it's weird, but maybe this happens just in SGH... but i wonder if this happens in semenanjung...

there's just so many chinese here that they try to limit the number of chinese taking leave during CNY... so today actually i wondered how non-chinese felt during CNY... taken for granted that they HAVE to work to make up for the mass migration back to west malaysia? grateful that there's not so much of a big deal during Thaipusam, Deepavali or Raya? just another day at work?

i've also been wondering how mixed-cin-dian or or ci-layu guys feel...

well.. that took up actually 5 minutes of my thoughts in real life, cos' i was KO-ed post call...

one more time

2011-01-04T21:31:00.002+08:00

well... it's been quite a while...

a really long while actually...

but i've decided to try blogging again on the advice of a good friend...

things change i guess... i'm not longer the person that first started this blog with mei...

and i'm not even the person that decided to stop blogging...

but i guess this is an exercise in staying true to myself.. and learning how to be honest with myself once more...

well... we'll see how this turns out.. and how long this lasts... heh, a good test would be that i'm on call tomorrow... we'll see if anything comes out of this...

purpose

2010-01-04T19:20:00.003+08:00

actually today.. i just feel like curling up and sleeping..
don't want to work.. don't want to be responsible for someone's life...

aihh... today is a "wonder what am i doing in kuching" day...
its entering my 3rd month here as a houseman...
i'm still waking up wondering if i made the right choice 5 years ago when i chose to do medicine...

settling in

2009-11-19T20:17:00.001+08:00

yeah.. i'm finally working..
and its tough...

well not so tough now that i've finished tagging
just so that i can feel a little bit proud of myself for making it through 2 weeks of what i feel where endless nights... literally night because i almost never saw the sun... haha...
6am in the nursery till 12am.. then its sleep and then back to work for 14days... except for weekends when i get to go back in the evening at about 7 or 8 after work is done...
so yeah.. no sun for about 14 days..
don't ask me how much weight i've lost... tekjee's mum commented that i looked really haggard, and i suspect that its only partially due to the fact that i shaved once every week on saturdays only...

but well.. i think i've managed to replenish my sleep debt already, now that i've been able to go home at 6pm on weekdays now and about 1 pm on weekends... so yeah... i'm getting used to working life like this... on calls are starting next week.. first call next week... so hope nothing really bad happens..

otherwise, since i've arrived in kuching... i've been really really missing home and all my friends in semenanjung... imu and church... i really wish we could have our own hospital where only imu ppl work.. hahaha

but i God has been really good to me since i arrived here... first of all.. there was tekjee and family who housed us in their house for the first week.. then tekjee and khungying brought us around before all our cars arrived, arranged for us to go to KWSP, immigration and all that work kinda stuff paperwork...
then we moved into his house.. and the girls moved into another house... and then the chin family let's see... washed our clothes for us... got the washing machine working.. got our streamyx for us... got our satellite tv working... not to mention we have a fully furnished house, which they continued to add kitchen stuff like an electric stove and various pots and pans.. air conditioned rooms.. heated showers.. and the water meter got stolen once too, tekjee's brother got it fixed in a day so that we had to go without water for only 1 night... just to put it shortly.. tekjee, his mum and his brother have really been a blessing to us.. without them, it would have been hard to imagine getting through tagging without all our basic amenities.. in hindsight... it was REALLY dumb to start work immediately before settling all those stuff... but well.. thanks to them, everything got sorted out...

its also worth mentioning that my perodua car dealer was a great guy who settled all my car paperwork for me, fetched me from the bank to settle my bank draft, and well... i'm just thankful i have a working car to use now... i'm also very thankful to dad who put in the money so that i wouldn't have to struggle with the loan.. yeah... so now... i've finally managed to pen down my gratefulness to all the people who've helped me settled down here in kuching...

well... its 2 years and more... so i'm going to have to fit in here and get used to life here... so, hopefully i don't just survive here.. but am able to LIVE here to the fullest... now i just need to find a church with a PM service... buy all those little things that'll make me comfortable with my room and car.. and everything will be ok...

i'm planning to come back some time in january... so if my leave is approved.. i'll be able to be back for maybe 4-5 days hopefully... might be too much to wish for to come back on CNY.. ahahha... so the next thing i need now is... my pay to come in.. hahahaha...

Work

2009-10-25T18:29:00.004+08:00

yeah... i'm finally starting work..
just finished induction last week... will be packing and resting at home today before flying tmr at 3pm, then reporting for duty on tuesday...
today felt.. surreal... the combination of sleeplesness and sadness from saying bye to some of the closest friends i've ever known...
i know that i'll be missing most of all, sze siew, christina, hailiang, fengko, kimkwan, kexin, seowfan, yeangwee, sabrina.. (cpei i'll be seeing in kch.. hehe)
but i guess life won't be the same without this... "family" that i've come to know and really love...
there are others that i'll miss too that i did not mention because if i did, i would be naming the whole batch...
kuching will be a very different life without all these friends... it will be a new journey i suppose... one that i'm half looking forward and half reluctant to start on...
church too will be very missed... i suppose i will find a church there.. but it won't be anything like canaan i know... daniel, peter, brandon, joshua, leena, mok, joyce, yibing... many others that have filled my life with joy and meaning...

i hope i live up to my expectations as a doctor, my friends expectations, my expectations, my parents expectations, mostly.. God's expectations...

life and time changes many things, but hopefully these things don't change in my life.. God, my family and my friends...

2009-10-03T09:43:00.002+08:00

Yeah.. i know this blog died..
i think i was in the midst of exams..
well.. since that time.. i've graduated from IMU as a doctor..
i suppose i've always felt torn between my friendships in church and in IMU

well.. in a way.. i suppose... now i don't have to be torn anymore...
now hopefully... it all starts anew..

died

2009-07-08T00:04:00.002+08:00

oops....
i think i've left this blog to suffer and die for too long dy..
as you can see on the right... the chat box died also...
haha... don't know when my next update will be... but will be busy (as usual)
preparing for exams...
haaha.. maybe when i'm finally done... and (hopefully) graduated i'll be able
or rather.. i'll have the desire to start blogging again..
till then :)

it was fun..

hmm....

2009-06-07T21:19:00.000+08:00

hmm.....
hm hm hm hm hm...

i think studying does this to me...
inable to make conversation...
hmm hmm hmmm hmmm...

holiday

2009-05-12T10:04:00.001+08:00

yeah.. in case you don't know...
i'm on holiday :) one week break...

but this is some wierd kinda holiday...
going starbucks to study everyday... studying more than during study time...
hehe.. but i think i can get used to living like this...
study in day...
play at nite...
hahaha...

yeah.. hope everyone's having a fun break...

random pics

2009-04-21T23:35:00.003+08:00

just some random pics i've accumulated but din have time or lazy to blog down...

feel free to bring them in.. just don't leave them behind... lol.. i think the pengarah has a soft heart and can't help picking up strays...

who says money doesn't grow on trees... if you know where this came from... then you'll know that money DOES grow on trees... hahahaha... this pic is so meaningful if you think about it...

hahaha.. i have simply no idea where this came from... but i still love it...

a coke for those occasions when u just feel trapped... and for 31st of August too...

yes indeed... therefore it will suck to your face... hahahahaha... can someone enlighten me on what this could vaguely mean...

depression

2009-04-13T18:27:00.007+08:00

Derpession_by_cesaraugusto

*words mine own

firstly... i'm not depressed...

not now anyway...

but i have been before... and i suppose there are many who at some point in their lives have felt that way before... or maybe still are...

which is why as i was browsing through deviantart.. this prose struck me.. and i thought it would mean something for myself and for whoever reads it...

if you've ever been depressed before i guess it helps to know that.. you're not alone

Depression by ~pixijane

I've heard so many people tell those who suffer depression to just 'cheer up.' I wonder if they can really believe that it’s that simple.

Depression isn't just sadness. It is emptiness, it is misery. It is pain and nothingness at once. When you are truly depressed you lack the ability or will to cheer yourself up. No one just ‘has depression.’ You suffer from it. This is depression:

You will wake at 5, 6, maybe 7am, feeling as though you had only just fallen asleep. It’s likely you did. If you don't have to be somewhere, you could lie in bed for another 3 hours...too tired, too miserable and pathetic to crawl out of you bed. Or maybe you will sleep until 1pm, because it’s so much easier to sleep through most of the day than actually live it, and you’re so unbelievably tired anyway. You will push through the day, knowing that every hour will be a struggle and not knowing how you will feel tomorrow. People will ask what is wrong, and you will simply smile and say 'nothing, I'm just tired.' Yes you are tired. You are so tired of drifting through every day, with no will to actually live. But you simply smile, and they'll believe you. It’s so much easier to lie anyway, and most of the time you can push away the guilt. Sometimes you might find a way out, temporary as it may be. You might write or draw or sing. Or you might cut, burn, binge, purge, drink, starve, scratch, pull, overdose...anything to take your mind away from the utter misery it seems to be so obsessed with. What you don't know is that soon these acts will take over your thoughts. You will spend your days not only lost in the haze of depression, but your mind will be so consumed with these thoughts of escaping and self destruction that you think you could explode. You will see a series of lines, and think of the lovely scars you could make, where you will make them. Your mind will be permanently spinning with thoughts of this pain, and different ways you might destroy yourself or, more precisely, this monster inside you. But of course none of this will work. You will still spend your night alone, sitting and staring at nothing, completing mindless tasks as if they have some importance, as if you are really there. Be careful where you let your mind wander. Night time is the darkest time in depression. That's when all the demons come out, when you become weaker. It is when you will hurt yourself simply to make the urges stop for 5 minutes. It is when you will spend hours crying or screaming for no reason other than the agony inside. You will shake and feel as though your whole body will cave in or explode. No one will understand. You do not have hospital beds, drips, bandages or needles to make people worry. To make them realize that this sad little girl is actually sick and needs help. Of course the depression will have destroyed any self esteem you might have had, so you'll be too scared to ask for the help you need. You just go on, hoping someone will notice your slow, meticulous self-destruction. Don’t worry, it won’t always be so bad. Some days you might even feel stable. You might walk tall for one day, feeling a glint of hope that maybe one day things will get better, that things are getting better and you have the strength to fight. Then one small thing will go wrong, and you’ll fall apart all over again. You feel stupid for even considering that things could get better.

Have you ever felt as though your whole body could just crumble any minute? Just crumble and fall apart, like it’s lost anything it had holding it together. That’s what it feel like all the time to be depressed. That raw fragility. It feels as though the smallest disruption in our life, or in your head, or in the world, could send everything spiraling downwards. And it can. The tiniest mistake can cause you to hate yourself more than you could possibly imagine. The smallest crack in your world can make it all seem pointless.

Depression destroys any resources you have. Any strength or courage you kept stored away for emergencies. So if the tiniest little storm hits, you are left to trying to survive the ravages of a cyclone without a life boat. It wears you down and even the smallest crack can seem like an earthquake and every minute is spent waiting for the next shake. And then one day, you will find yourself curled up on your bedroom floor, sobbing, because you can’t find anything to wear. Every little thing is just more proof of how worthless you are.

Eventually, you begin to expect it. You anticipate the bad times, because you know the good times are just fooling you. And they are filled with fear and anxiety over when everything will come crashing down again. You are always waiting for the next breakdown. You’ve become so accustomed to feeling miserable, that happiness is a foreign feeling that you won’t even let yourself experience. You don’t deserve it. So you become numb, which at times, is worse than the full-blown screaming and crying depressive ‘episodes.’ You find yourself begging to hurt again, because any feeling is better than feeling nothing at all.

Depression is one of the cruelest of all illnesses. You see, it’s much easier to fight when you can see an end to it all. When you know that in the end you will either win or lose. But whatever the outcome, the war will be over. The thing about depression is it blurs your perception of the future and makes it near impossible to see that end. You start to think that there’s no such thing as ‘winning’ and why bother fighting if you already know the outcome. It gradually strips you of any hope you previously had. And without hope, it’s difficult to see a future or a reason to fight.

*edit: i just realized how hopeless this article may sound...

but if you clicked the above picture, you would read what i believe is my answer to the hopelesness

heaven and earth

2009-04-03T16:41:00.004+08:00

reaching for heaven, i cannot hold on to earth
holding on to earth, i cannot reach for heaven.

something to look forward to

2009-03-21T09:39:00.003+08:00

in life... in order to be happy, one must have something to look forward to...

like for most of us... after the end of a long and tiring week... we look forward to friday and the weekend...

but i realized this morning, that just having the weekend itself isn't much... there must be something to be done to look forward to... an event... something to do... something to eat... someone to meet...

haha.. i haven't thought about what i'm looking forward to this weekend... but being able to do nothing seems nice... lol... unless someone has more interesting stuff to suggest? (=

ugly

2009-03-17T19:56:00.003+08:00

heh.. competition can bring out the worst in you..

i remember on the first day in batupahat, DK briefed us for a while on life here...

most of us would remember him mentioning to us not to fight for portfolio cases cos' the cases are plentiful... and that he had heard of even boyfriend and girlfriends breaking up over cases...

hehe.. i laughed and thought... why would anyone want to fight over a case...

haha...

competition really can bring out the worst in you...

its third week...

and in surgery... because of the many "exclusion criteria" and because of the small number of patients...

there is an overwhelming struggle for each and every case...

some of us have been nice and given away cases to those who don't have...

some... try to hog and stuff like that...

well...

yeah i suppose its easy to be a batch of unity when your actions only affect your ownself...

heh, not so easy when u have to fight over limited resources...

i'm not worried...

i still believe the cases will come...

somehow... :)

2nd week

2009-03-15T13:26:00.003+08:00

heh.. 2nd week in batu pahat.. and feels like my second month...

too many reports.. portfolios...

and i haven't even started studying =_=...

heh.. on the other hand... just found a church to go to...

and i guess.. after sometime...i can get used to going on call almost every day...

haha.. after this, once a week on call is a piece of cake.. lol

otherwise.. i've just recoverd from a super-acute bout of AGE/food poisoning... after KO-ing for almost 10 hours last night...

well, thank God i'm ok now before starting the week again...

heh.. new week... aih.. hope to finish all my reports in time...

Batu Pahat

2009-03-03T22:02:00.003+08:00

in batu pahat...

don't know whether i'm happy that i passed sem 9...

or whether i'm dreading the long hours in sem 10...

previously in s'ban.. "free" was if we didn't have any classes or if we left before lunch... or something like that...

heh.. how different...

in batu pahat.. "free" is if we don't have on call...

in surgery...

on call is from 7-11pm... 3 days a week=every other day... and i'm on call this weekend =_=

hahaha... today i'm off call... thank God internet's come on...

heh.. i guess i don't mind surgery...

its just the loooonnngggg hours...

but i suppose that's housemanship...

heh... yay.. 2 more hours left of my off call day...

i'm SOOOOO looking forward to sunday...

*the worst is yet to come... O&G on call is until 5am...

O_o|||

T_T

short break

2009-02-27T15:26:00.002+08:00

having a short break now...
so... till monday i'm having HOLIDAY!!.. haha.. miss this feeling...
today is stay at home day...
had been in penang and moving to batu pahat the previous few days... and before i knew it.. its friday.. heh.. my holiday's over before i even realized it began...

so anyway... tmr i'll be around.. and then... i'm gonna be back to batu pahat on sunday, starting my FINAL SEMESTER...
TFTD is right... its like a dream...

beginnings and endings

2009-02-20T08:55:00.003+08:00

almost there... just an hour more of exams...

its not the end...

its not even the beginning of the end...

but this is at least the end of the beginning...

pseudo quarantine

2009-02-19T17:19:00.004+08:00

i'm stuck in the library...

waiting for the last group to finish their exam...

actually i'm not quarantined... supposedly can go home...

but i have to wait until ss finish cos' hl needs to fetch her back...

and he doesn't want to wait alone...

so i'm bored here...

heh... unable to go home and sleep after exam... sien...

looking beyond exams

2009-02-19T09:13:00.002+08:00

exams suck... quite frankly... they do...

for many professions they represent the ultimate obstacle to the goal that lies ahead...

that is... Graduation

somewhere along the way i realized with a start that exams aren't actually an end to themselves...

although all through out our undergraduate years we prepare, slog and torture ourselves to prepare ourselves to this end... we actually don't do this for our exams...

because the exams aren't actually the purpose of this whole journey...

they are merely the ends to a means... which is to make us...

good doctors...

i AM going to graduate...

this exam is merely a means to make me qualified enough...

because ultimately these exams don't matter that much...

they're just an obstacle impeding our view of what lies ahead..

a life as a doctor..

i'm no longer afraid... because i know what lies ahead...

and when i look back i won't even remember this obstacle...

operasi teh kundur

2009-02-17T09:20:00.004+08:00

the weather has been rather unpleasantly warm the past few days...

i suspect both due to exams as well as being physically hot...

so... to cool down... in more ways than one...

i decided to buy TEH KUNDUR

also known as winter melon tea...

when big obstacles come your way.. it helps to turn your attention to "lesser problems"

so i bought a 24 packet pack of teh kundur...

which only after i bought i realized i have less than a week to finish...

haha.. no problem.. i'll just increase my fluid intake...

but teh kundur is nice...

sorry if this post seems irrelevant... but exams are stressful times...

and teh kundur helps in more ways than one...

bottoms up (=

half way

2009-02-14T10:34:00.003+08:00

ok.. half way through...

i think i still can make it...

don't lose confidence...

don't lose focus now...

the exam is only now starting...

start game

2009-02-12T09:00:00.004+08:00

Starting game in 5

4..

3..

2..

NO leaver please..

1..

heh...

started game yesterday with MEQ...

this opponent is super pro... gyne took first blood while everyone was still busy farming on medicine... the paeds took a triple, TRIple, TRIPLE kill!!!....The Scourge is Owning!!!

so far.. its 50-50 i think with some pity from the examiners i hope i can pass MEQ... tomoro OSPE is about mid-game when all the ITEMS will start coming out... hopefully the opponents items are not too pro... then there will be about almost a week before the end-game...

in that time we HAVE to farm out OUR items for the last push so that the SENTINEL can be victorious and we don't have to be leavers...

all the best...

glhf...

don't leave... in this game literally...

leavers are noob...

hope we ALL can make it through...

remake

2009-02-02T17:12:00.004+08:00

remake, remake...

its not too late to remake...

stop dreaming.. wake up and start preparing...

9 more days...

still can make it.. don't regret later

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed

lost

2009-02-01T13:20:00.001+08:00

lost and sien

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-25T10:01:00.003+08:00

HAppy ChinesE neW Year!!

don't think so much... play hard now, study hard after this :)

the hero

2009-01-17T22:30:00.004+08:00

unexpectedly he came..

flying in through the window uninvited...

all in the house was quiet... busy studying (or trying to)

and then... he ATTACKED!!!

quick reflexes saved me... enabling me to utilise

the DAGON!!

and the BURIZA!!

to obtain victory!!!

here lies the body of another fallen hero...

heh... just bored from studying... or trying to... lol

quiet at home

2009-01-14T22:19:00.004+08:00

its been a lonely quiet couple of days at home since monday...

i've been leaving before my housemates are awake...

and when i'm back hl's alredi hidden in his room...

feng ko is sleeping already... he's quite gg'd past few days due to some overwhelming septicemia i think... saw him briefly in school today...

oh ya... and there's jac... yeah... don't normally see her anyway.. lol

aih... wonder if this is bcos' of the exam season...

trying to keep an upbeat mood...

think i'm failing miserably...

i can't think of something to look forward to tmr...

look out, look ahead

2009-01-12T00:02:00.003+08:00

today datuk huat mentioned during lunch that normal ppl look forward to the months of december, january and february... haha.. not us... those 3 months have been nightmare months for all of us since we started med school... always the Exam Finals months...

i guess its hard to keep on going strong when ur failings loom large in your face,

and hope seems like the clouds far above that are out of reach...

but i suppose if we keep looking at the problem, the problem seems to grow bigger (kinda like how you can see the bacteria thru the microscope by looking longer... lol)

to break the cycle of exams and stress, i suppose maybe the only way is to look away...

look ahead to the good things in store after that...

look out of the troubles we have now to the good things that have and are happening to us...

it's the best of times, it's the worst of times...

ironically it is during the best of our time.. when we're on holiday or in sem8... that we drift away from each other because we're so busy having fun...

and ironically it is during the worst of times...

during our exams... that we cling closer to each other and find strength in our friendship with each other because we need each other so much more...

try again

2009-01-07T23:21:00.003+08:00

had been suffering from an acute bout of loss of confidence these past few days due to a Dato' comment...

coupled with late nights and early mornings and no afternoon naps...

add on a friendly patient that i had been talking to, who was supposed to go home who ended up fainting and delirious last night...

its been a tough couple of days...

ahh... its wednesday going on thursday...

exam stress is setting in...

and confidence is dropping low...

but well,

i suppose if you want strength, God'll put you in a position of weakness so He can support you

2009

2009-01-01T21:20:00.003+08:00

first day of 2009!!

yay!! another year gone by...

a new year to look forward to...

in case you didn't know... I'm sure u didn't...

2009 has been desginated (according to wikipedia)

International Year of Astronomy

International Year of Natural Fibres

International Year of Reconciliation

the coming year is going to be full of beginnings and endings...

ending seremban... beginning batu pahat...

and later... ending batu pahat... beginning work as a DOCTOR!! (hopefully)

ahh... which brings me back to studies =_=

a bit free

2008-12-22T20:29:00.005+08:00

i'm actually quite free these few days before christmas...

i just spent about 15 minutes on je's blog thinking what STD baby means.. lol

and i'm home from the library after dinner..

i guess actually i AM quite free... just that there is this voice telling me to study while i still can before i run out of time when sem9 exams come... aihh...

otherwise... i've stopped using IE recently... i'm now using google Chrome :)

not for anything... just that couple of days ago there was a news report i came across on yahoo!

http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/111811

concerning some Major security flaws in IE... well... i was looking for something new to try out anyway... so i popped by google and downloaded Chrome... it looks quite good so far.. very minimalist... makes my screen look bigger than normal.. and yeah.. kinda fits vista... lol

christmas

2008-12-22T00:48:00.004+08:00

its christmas soon... haven't been able to really get in the "christmas" mood bcos of books...

but i'll be home for christmas...

and that makes everything ok (=

bored

2008-12-17T23:05:00.003+08:00

studying.. bored...

hoping to finish ENT today... then quickly get the other 2 more minor postings done with...

but tmr is a full day =_=... and friday got study group T_T

but otherwise today was a fun day... had a good futsal with an owning team ^^ but i discovered my shoes are broken...

they look like they're gonna last me another 1 more mon

th only... which is actually just nice... cos' i don't know how much futsal i'm gonna be playing in the heat of e

xam prep and over in batu pahat...

(tORn_by_frfefarfearz)

hmm.. this post... is like one of those "blonde"

posts i dislike reading... where the "blonde" goes on about how the day went, how he/her felt, what they ate, how long they waited at the bus stop...

and they usually end with...

a cute picture...

_______by_BenoitPaille

haha... no, that's not cute... and that's not me... lol

pictures sourced from deviantArt.com the site for all cool pics...

ok, i wasted enough time...

back to foreign bodies in the ENT..

rainy

2008-12-09T22:21:00.002+08:00

its been a rainy gloomy couple of days...
felt like blogging... but the past few days hav been rather uneventful...
just... studyingzzz....

rain is normally nice... but too much is no good...
my clothes are still damp =_=

topsy turvy

2008-12-02T23:22:00.004+08:00

its been an upside down kinda 2 days...
still not quite used to waking up so late in radio/anaes... which has got to be the most lethargic posting i've ever been in...
like dato' joked in gynae... the radiologist looks like she's been exposed to too much radiation and the anaesthetist looks like he's been anaesthetised... they're both SOOOOOO slow... soft... selamba... slow to respond... slow to hear...
but... on the other hand... this is the only 4 weeks (3 since i can't quite count christmas week in) i'll have to get my sem8 postings ready for EOS... so hopefully i don't drift off and find myself 4 weeks later suddenly having done nothing...

on other things...
a good friend helped me to realize during an episode of low mood...
that sometimes the people that we want to pay attention to us
:- take us for granted, don't appreciate us and pay us no attention

but while there are actually people that DO pay attention to us, and actually care for us... but we don't realize it because we're looking in the wrong direction at the people who don't care for us... so we think that nobody cares for us while there are actually many who do...

yeah.. thanks for the reminder friend :)

coming home

2008-11-23T17:56:00.004+08:00

yeah... its ending...
faster than i thought it would... 4 weeks is really a short time...
my last week of gyne... exams on tuesday and wednesday...
will be home on friday... after 3 weekends not going home...

heh... even exams can't get me down..

pictures

2008-11-09T22:29:00.003+08:00

last friday after a hard days work... we chilled out by playing pool...
it's pretty obvious we got the style, but none of the substance... lol..
but the above pic is our resident Club 7 Pro.. Rikimaru/Tjunoosis

This... looks quite pro rite... lol... the guy next to her is the "si fu"... who is err... supposed to be better than her... lolz...

and this... is a ball..

if you look closely you can observe that it has been "blest" with some oral secretions so that it can go in to the hole...

yeah.. these pics are from my new phone.. in case u don't know i have one.. lol...

my hand is quite shaky... hence some of the pics not so nice... but still trying... haha..

yeah... i guess this post is more cheery than the past few... lol :)

gynae

2008-11-02T00:15:00.002+08:00

posting from home...
won't be seeing this place for a while cos next week...
gonna start gynae for 1 month...
its going to be a long 1 month...
i hope i can make it to the end of the month without too much "injury", heh...
which means i'll be in seremban till about december...

well.. at least i'll be able to celebrate christmas...

hmm... EOS coming near... i can feel the stress already... especially with the past 2 EOPs being so sucky...

an ideal world

2008-10-26T17:18:00.007+08:00

i'd just finished watching this video from daniel's blog...
heh.. yeah, it really does make one feel all warm and fuzzy remembering "good old days"
but it was the sentences at the end regarding what was happening at that time that really caught my heart...

i sometimes do wish things didn't have to change...
that we could have keep on staying the same... having fun and not having to move on to "newer" and "better" things...
but life isn't like that i suppose... and it does kinda sux sometimes...

in an ideal world...

ju liang would be healed and still be with us right now, preparing for vbs...
i wouldn't have to keep on coming back to seremban and what not because of studies...
jane wouldn't have to be in belgium...
clifford and clement wouldn't have to be in australia...
noel would come to church every sunday...
all those canaan people doing their studies overseas would be able to do it in malaysia...
every friday and saturday night would be set aside for dakei...
every sunday afternoon everyone would be able to have lunch together and cendol after that without any worries...
work wouldn't suck...
all the people and friends we meet wouldn't be segregated into church, work, school friends and what not... everybody would know everybody and we'd all be friends...
people wouldn't get sick and die...
we would have fun preparing for church events yet not have to bother being busy at work or trying to get leave...
people wouldn't fail exams and get left behind...
everyone would keep in touch with everybody all the time...
people wouldn't leave to look for "better" churches to go to...

but i suppose... that's life...
it's imperfect... and we struggle against the things we don't like in our life...
i suppose.. it all happens for a reason...
so that when we are done struggling against the night... and we finally lay our heads down to rest...
the morning that comes seems so much better than what we've been struggling against...
so that heaven will really seem like heaven in comparison with this imperfect world we live in...

a place where...
we get to see again those people we miss so dearly now that have gone on before us...
we meet once again with people who are separated from us by distance or circumstance...
we no longer have to struggle with time, and work, and suffering..
staples of this life that we never get used to...
because i believe these imperfections were not supposed to be there in the first place....
and that there IS a place where these things will cease to be...

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

mail :)

2008-10-22T22:46:00.006+08:00

i love getting snail mail...
so it was a really pleasant surprise when i got back last weekend to find a letter waiting for me...
In it were these:...

very,... veryy,... nice :)...
now i know... autumn maple leaves really do exist!! :)
i'd actually forgotten all about the request... hahaha...
thanks vickie (=

back

2008-10-05T21:42:00.003+08:00

heh... i'm back...
yeah... i know its been a while...
but.. .haha... i don't usually update when i'm on holiday...
hehe... blogging is kinda a study/work thing... so when i'm on holiday... blogging takes a break too...
or maybe i'm just too lazy.. .hehe...

but yeah... back... and starting medicine tomorrow...

today... and tomorrow

2008-09-26T00:13:00.008+08:00

today... i had a triple layer peanut butter sandwich...
it was nice...
i topped it off with licking the bottom of my peanut butter jar...
yum...

its cos' i have exams tomorrow... i'm not the only one la...
hl, tekjee and a couple of others are also gonna have clinicals tomorrow...
we're different from the rest cos' we're gonna be sitting to clinicals AND written exam tmr...
so it feels like everyone else is starting to enjoy themselves cos' they're clinicals are over whilst ours aren't... its probably just me la... but having exams on the last day is sien cos' of that...

so i'm quite looking forward to the end of this sien feeling tmr...
no quite so much because of the end of paeds.. this time paeds was quite fun i think... the kids were more fun to play with... but just... cos' its the end of another rotation...

in addition tmr's the last day of uni.. we're out for a week for raya :)

in addition... gonna get to turn in my WAX for my WKB again...

in addition... gonna get to go home for a week... holiday again... did i mention? :P
which i'm gonna spend watching GODfather I,II and III... the Hulk... and whatever else i can get my hands on...

yes.. looking forward to the end of tomorrow...

no time

2008-09-17T00:15:00.006+08:00

when you're in

sem 1.. dono what's happening... can't study yet
sem2... not exam sem... dun study first
sem3.. daji first only study
sem4... holiday.. study what?
sem5... short daji only... one fast push then study...
sem6.. adjusting to seremban... can't study
sem7.. must study dy... but wait nearer exam onli intensive study
sem8.. holiday again..
sem9.. not time study.. die..
sem 10... dun wanna think bout it...

politics and medicine

2008-09-09T21:21:00.009+08:00

there's been a rather amusing thread going on in m204's yahoo group.. it may be sensitive to most since its about race and racism in our country... but i found it rather amusing... heh... mostly cos' i skip the long mails and just read through to the end...

so i thought i'd add me 2 cents to the discussion... which i thought sounded rather intelligent... lol

heh... so much talk about politics and race...
oh well... i know for sure ganesh can't be a politician... he is anything but "politically correct"..

haha... i guess this is sth like med school maybe...hehe... wonder if you guys would agree...

any medical student can diagnose problems...
the heart got problem...
the brain got problem...
the lungs got problem..
everyone has their own different "diagnosis" of what's wrong with our country...
heh.. in fact i think politicians do good jobs of "diagnosing" problems (more often than not other ppls problems.. lol)

but i guess to be a doctor we need to have a plan of management...
and hopefully we all agree on the plan of management, which i think ganesh's last sentence rather quaintly addresses...

i quote: "we can't change politics (unless you become a politician lah.. which some of us will i think... except ganesh... lol)
it's too idealistic...
but we can change ourselves to become better citizens..."

cheers
zhiyong

p/s- it sux to be a final year med student... your brain nids to be that of a doc... but ur heart still wants to be med student... =_=

short changed

2008-09-07T20:54:00.003+08:00

last saturday i came back to kl...
first thing to do was to have lunch with a bunch of guys...
so well... lunch lunch lunch... then after lunch have to pay bill...
so... nobody's has change... so i came out money first... total bill was 125... but yuans and gang came out 50 for their stuff... so i came out about 75... collect collect collect from the rest...
after came home onli realized that i onli got back 40 bucks..
short changed... literally.. =_=
and ironically brandom mentioned that this always happens...

and then well.. then actually after that supposed to do some bible study/discipleship thingy with the guys after lunch wan... and actually the only reason i came down to kl was to do this...
mana tau... things didn't work out cos' of ppl coming lates...
so that was like... i invest my saturday sunday time to come church...
and then my time got sort changed also... =_=

aih... too bads... i guess

5th year medical student

2008-09-02T18:28:00.001+08:00

today is the first day of being a 5th and final year medical student...
i certainly don't feel like one...

the amount of work is almost depressing...

gonna need some chocolate or chips...

i'm awake

2008-08-29T11:55:00.001+08:00

i'm awake...
ready to go...
final year of medicine is going down in a flash...

final preparations to make...
HAVE FUN for the last 3 days!!
its not gonna be an easy journey from here out...

one last post

2008-08-27T12:35:00.002+08:00

i'd been wanting to post this for some time now, but i suppose i've been distracted the last couple of days...
but anyway... just one last post on juliang

i suppose it'll take some getting used to, to stop praying for juliang..
we've been praying for him for almost 3 years..
i suppose at first it did seem like our prayers had gone to waste..
but looking back, i think instead of wondering why God did not heal him absolutely... i suppose we could look at it as God granting us a stay of 2 years before taking juliang home..
in this 2 years i guess we've seen that God really does answer prayers... and that miracles do happen...
and i guess, what would mean more to us would be that God granted us 2 years to say goodbye...

maybe the thing that bothered me the most was why God would seem to answer our prayers but at the last minute, "pull back".. why grant the "minor miracle" of his heartbeat picking up...
why grant the bone marrow donor when in the end everything went to "waste"...
i already found it hard to believe in miracles that somoene can survive after septicemia and multiple organ failure... and these last "flickers of life" seemed like cruel tricks to grab on to hope for a miracle only to let us down at the last moment...

i struggled with this for a while until i came to be satisfied with the understanding that all this was done not for juliang... but for us... so that we might continue to believe in miracles... so that we might be able to always see the light when all seems so dark...
and i think in the end that kinda sums up all that juliang went through...

not because juliang did something wrong... not to test his faith... not to "take us for a ride"
but so that we might believe...
that it IS possible that..."to live is Christ, and to die is gain"
so that we might live in the knowledge that our lives now are just a preparation for the greater and better chapter..

ending

2008-08-20T19:02:00.001+08:00

today... it ended... i'm not sure what time, but i got the message at 12pm...
not quite sure how to feel...
i guess its still too sudden...

juliang

2008-08-18T12:44:00.002+08:00

Jesus loves me this i know,
for the bible tells me so.
little ones to him belong,
they are weak but he is strong...

this post is for juliang.. who is in critical condition...
because we believe that He is still taking care of us even when things don't look good...

saturday

2008-08-16T17:11:00.002+08:00

heh.. looks like my attempt to blog everyday wasn't so succesful...
oh well... i suppose i'm not a habitual blogger...

otherwise... today's saturday :) i haven't spent saturday in seremban in a while...
and yeah... i'll be away tmr at camp... heh, quite wish i could be there till wednesday... but well... exam's more important i guess... lol

hmm... this is still quite a lala post...
i think it'll be my last short post... which means that the next update should probably be taking quite a long while to come... lol

eksam

2008-08-11T17:44:00.002+08:00

today exam...
did ok i guess... ok enuff to pass...
i noob-ly identified a wrong murmur...
but i guess i'm ok with it...
i need more clinical practice heh... well, at least i have a direction to aim for...
more clinical practice... yes... will get down to it...

tyred

2008-08-08T17:37:00.002+08:00

so crazy pig tired today...
think its the cumulative effect of playing badminton on wed and futsal on thurs...
i wish i could go to sleep in seremban and just wake up in kl...
wondering if i should drive back...

today

2008-08-06T15:45:00.002+08:00

i opened the bottle today... it said...
"today.. will be a completely, totally, utterly different day from yesterday."

heh...
its nice having the promise of today because the PRESENT is always a GIFT...

on the other hand... after i came back today
i realized the whole day as quite wasted, cos' it was spent attending a "seminar" on organ donation... which i quite slept thru...
oh well... at least i've gotten my 10 survey patients done dy :)

i feel like some kinda lala boys blogging like this about mundane stuff actually... =_+

quantity/quality

2008-08-05T20:59:00.003+08:00

went to ward today... to practice examination...
tired but feeling accomplished...
did a good deed today: took cpei to pasar malam to try cheer her up...

if you've noticed, i'm blogging shorter but more frequently...
wonder if in a blog, quantity matters more over quality...

on other matters... i've just been buzzed by someone alerting me to a very interesting post on suchuen's blog... its long...

but... nice :)

accomplished

2008-08-04T16:55:00.001+08:00

today woke up.. made a list of stuff to do..
1. call GP to arrange GP posting
2. relaod TnG
3. deposit Boo cheque
yeah... just now did all... didn't forget any... well done to myself :)

reflect

2008-07-27T22:33:00.002+08:00

xinli suggested i do some reflecting on my b'day...
i thought that was quite a good idea... hadn't thought of b'days in that perspective before...
a day to reflect on the past.. and plan for the future...

the past one year... has been good i guess...
this same time last year i was stressing out over upcoming sem7 exams to be held in january...
heh, fast forward to now... i'm kinda stressing out over upcoming sem9 exams to be held in january again... but i hope to be able to be looking back without stressing over any more exams this same time next year... heh... i think that'd be a good idea to re-look this next year...

relationships haven't gotten anywhere... heh, i guess the past year has been spent thinking about choices to make... but i guess i realized in some weeks ago that if anything is gonna go anywhere, its gonna take more doing and less pondering...

spiritually i guess i am in a way moving forward... beginning to see a direction to head for... but i guess this is rather closely related to my relationships... its gonna take more doing and less pondering... otherwise, i'm really quite glad that discipleship stuff is gonna happen soon... and my so called spiritual struggles have found an answer i can be satisfied in...

looking forward... i guess there are mainly 3 goals in my life now...
i'm rather lousy and multi-focussing... i can only focus on one task at a time, but well i believe things happen together for a reason, and if God brought me so far... He'll bring me through...
Church: discipleship and trying to get the youth i come into contact in to find out where God fits in their life...
Relationships: i suppose i've been moving forward in a way... but heh... its still a long way ahead... so hopefully i have the patience to take things as they come...
Studies: i really want to be a good doctor... so i guess that means i have to study more... heh... well, don't quite see any other way around this...

well... hopefully one year from now at this same time i'll be able to look back and see dreams achieved and hopes attained...

but yeah... thanks to everyone for all their b'day wishes... and yeah... thanks to everyone whose been supporting me in studies... in church... and in relationships...
heh... i don't think i can say one area is more important than the other now... currently all 3 have a place in my heart and my head... they just come forward when i'm in different places and cicumstances.. but they're all just as important to me now...

glass wall

2008-07-22T23:55:00.002+08:00

it feels like i'm behind a glass wall these past few days...
well... maybe its an improvement from a cement wall...
cos' at first i wasn't able to log in to msn at all...
so although i know there are ppl online... i can't see them and they can't see me...
and we can't talk...
then it became a glass wall.. lol
now i'm able to log in... so i can actually see the people online...
but the connexion's so bad they can't see me... and i can't msg them most of the time...
so i can see them and maybe they can see me... i dono... but we can't communicate...
hmm... never thought i needed msn that badly...

a day in my life

2008-07-02T21:05:00.004+08:00

today's a good day :)
although i went to sleep the previous night with a growling stomach because i couldn't find a midnight snack... woke up feeling fresh... hadn't had that in a while^^
had psychiatric community visit this morning... which ended up back in IMU because we lost the hospital van after the 1st house because we were all too busy talking in the car... lol... quite embarassing i think... don't think anyone's ever done that before... but we didn't think it was much of a deal anyway... cos' everyone told us it was a waste of time to go and we wanted to go back to the ward to clerk the case for tomorrow's case presentation...

so anyways... after the brief highway adventure... we ended up clerking a nice old man and his son in law...
so well... that was done for the day... so after lunch i headed back and accomplished quite a few things... photostated some papers... bought my midnight snacks... and had a hair cut at YOKA SALUN :)... hadn't had an indian barber hair cut in a while, so it was nice...
Uncle Frankie cut my hair and besides the hair cut, and some small talk... there was also some "neck cracking" which you don't get in any unisex saloon... :)

well this was followed by badminton and futsal... til.. now... haven't been so tired in a while... quite an eventful and productive day i'd say...
i think i can finish my selective report tonite... hopefully... lol

one more time

2008-06-29T23:45:00.001+08:00

starting sem 8 again tomoro...
one more time...

tired... physically and mentally...
the week hasn't begun and i already want it to end...

=_=

pernolasity stet

2008-06-19T11:19:00.002+08:00

i realized one way to keep the posts moving on is to do surveys...
heh... took this off fengko's blog
it looks like i literally copied the whole thing...
but it really is my own...

zhiyong,
Your personality is Phlegmatic Melancholy

Melancholy Strength:3 Weakness:8 28%
Phlegmatic Strength:16 Weakness:12 70%
Sanguine Strength:1 Weakness:0 3%
Choleric Strength:0 Weakness:0 0%

yeah... for definitions check out fengko's blog...

teg melayu

2008-06-12T09:26:00.002+08:00

haih... semalam saya telah pulang ke seremban untuk sebentar sahaja tetapi rakan saya kyw terlalu gembira untuk bertemu saya... manalah saya tahu kenapa...=_=
haha... tambahan pula saya mendapat tahu bahawa saya telah mendapat "kerja rumah" ini... semoga orang yang membacanya akan berpuas hati...

7 fakta tentang saya
BM saya sebenarnya sangat teruk
Saya tidak mendapat A1 untuk BM
Semasa lebih muda saya makan apa pun tak gemuk, tetapi sekarang perut sudah mula buncit
Saya tidak menyukai "Tingkap Vista"
Saya teringin menyelam skuba di pulau sipadan
Saya juga seorang yang pendiam
Beberapa fakta tentang diri saya di sini adalah ditulis berpandukan apa yang tercatit di blog rakan saya fengyblogstoo.blogspot.com

7 perkara yang menakutkan saya
ular
cicak yang sangat besar
doktor yang garang
bertemu dengan orang yang berkuasa misalnya dato kanda
menonton filem yang penuh keganasan
kehilangan ibu bapa
kemalangan jalan raya

7 lagu buat sekarang
Tristram- Blizzard Diablo Soundtrack (lagu ini best)
Your love is just a lie- Simple Plan
Saya's Fear- OST2 Blood+
Amazing Love- Vineyard
Say it to me- OST Once (Glen Hansard)
Way back into love (versi demo)- Hugh Grant dan Drew Barrymore (Music and Lyrics)
Hero's Come Back- Nobody Knows (Naruto OP)

7 perkara yang saya selalu sebut
walau...
ehh...
umm...
err...
so...
hi...
saya pelajar perubatan tahun ke-4, saya ingin...

7 perkara yang amat bernilai
Tuhan saya
Keluarga saya
Kawan-kawan saya di gereja
Kawan-kawan saya di IMU
Kawan-kawan saya yang tidak di IMU atau gereja misalnya mei, william dan lain lain
Koleksi botol botol saya
Komputer saya

7 pertama kali dalam hidup saya
Kali pertama ber-blog dalam bahasa melayu
Kali pertama pergi ke IJN
Kali pertama ponteng pergi ke IJN hari ini
Kali pertama ber-blog begitu banyak tentang diri saya
Kali pertama ber-blog tentang kali pertama
Kali pertama pulang dari seremban pada pukul 1 pagi
Kali pertama pergi dan pulang dari seremban dalam masa kurang sehari

7 orang bertuah yang ingin mencuba nasib mecabar melayu aku
KYW
feng ko
christina ng
tan jen ern
lim sau tjun
daniel MCH
err... siapa siapa lagi lah... saya tidak terfikir siapa lagi yang akan cukup boring untuk meneruskan ini...

Sekian sahaja. Kalau boleh saya ingin menamatkan tag ini dengan satu ucapan yang biasa dibuat oleh rakan rakan melayu saya, tetapi itu mungkin tidak sesuai kerana sesetengah orang akan berpendapat itu akan menyinggung perasaan orang lain. Sampai sini sahaja lah...
-_-

merdeka

2008-06-03T18:52:00.002+08:00

don't know why i got around to watching them today..
but, i love petronas ads.. i think most malaysians would...
but i guess i especially love merdeka ads... i guess the idea that we could be one nation that does not regard race or colour really appeals to me...

here are a few that brought a tear to my eye and warmed my heart...

hm... and i can't remember how to post videos anymore... =_= comes of being too lazy i suppose...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSesjYw4KxU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0P_BTvfJ4k&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezOSTYAhjZA&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8zPNP3uLK0&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05ILlMySCQE&feature=related

+_=

2008-05-27T16:21:00.003+08:00

i might as well blog today... since i'm home early AGAIN...
and i don't have much else to do besides study...

well i suppose a few quick updates are in order...
my holidays are over finally... so i'm currently doing an attachment in IJN...
i had been hoping it to be a fruitful and busy few weeks before i start back seremban...
you know, so that i'd be "pumped up" to study... but the past 2 days haven't been promising...
i came back at 3 yesterday (and that after a 1 hour lunch-_-)... and today at 4... after spending time in the IJN library...
hmm... seems like the dato' i'm attached to is too busy to attend to me... and doesn't seem to want me following his clinic... so much for first impressions ~_~..

otherwise.. churchwise i seem to be pretty occupied... having bridge event on saturday, a wedding next saturday and an outing to sg congkak after that... oh well... it'll be back to seremban soon enough... i should "enjoy" myself as much as possible..

hmm... on the other hand... i thought that on the rare occasion that i'm travelling to kl on a regular basis... i thought it'd be cool that i go discover kl... its just that... being from kl... i'm not really sure what the attractions are... besides shopping of course... any suggestions?
i'm thinking of the aquarium in klcc.. but not really sure where to put the car if i do go there... i've heard repeated horror stories of the parking there...
oo... and i just visited the site... apparently if i can cough out 400 bucks.. i can dive with sharks O_O!!! heh... that'd be cool... although i have no idea where to cough out 400 bucks... lol... anyone wanna make donations?

hmm... what to do what to do..
i know i've really starved myself of entertainment options when i don't even want to play kongregate anymore... suggestions? good movies i can dl?

heh... back but not around

2008-05-23T20:52:00.001+08:00

heh.. it's not really that ihaven't really been around... but the previous 3 weeks...
well.. i'm on holiday...
which kinda sums it up...
holiday=LAZY...
hrmm.... have studied la...
a bit...
really... a bit... a bit bit

back!! :)

2008-05-06T22:02:00.002+08:00

i'm back after 1 week.. haha... 1 week elective is REALLY short...
but china is GREAT!!!
i really hope to be able to go back there again...

but i'm waiting for PICTURES from yeeling and siewteng...
so won't be blogging about it now...
but i'm back... and i'm happy i went :)

china

2008-04-14T18:48:00.002+08:00

if you don't know alredi...

in 12 days time (wow, it's that fast)

i'll be leaving for CHINA!!!

officially its to teach ENGLISH...
unofficially, its to look good and get an excuse to have a 1 week elective and 3 week holiday...
but underneath the underneath... there's a secret secret mission...O_o

but i've actually never been to a foreign country before (besides SINGAPORE) which is half local... heh in fact i think Sabah and Sarawak are more "foreign" than singapore...
but ooo... partially excited, partially worried... i've heard that since China is a communist nation they don't take to foreigners that well...

on the other hand... i'll get to see the origins of CINA ppl... will they be more ah PEK or more LA LA than malaysian CINA? lol...

old school

2008-04-06T21:20:00.002+08:00

heh..

i'm bringing back old school to seremban...

for a limited time only, 3 weeks to be exact...

i'll be driving WAX 1662 in seremban...

haha.. yeah, the old mitsubishi from phase 1 days before i came to seremban...

it's no longer red, but now gray...

and other than that... don't think there's any other difference... at least not that i can feel...

heh... and i still doesn't look like this...

again =_=

2008-03-27T20:52:00.002+08:00

aih... i did it again...
strain my lateral ankle ligament...
although this time its better than the previous time...
it's on the LEFT leg now...
zzzz....

a few years back while running i mis-stepped and fell with my foot in the wrong position...
so what happened was i think i sprained all 3 lateral ankle ligaments in my right ankle causing massive swelling...
that was really bad...
couldn't play futsal for almost a few months...
ever since then i've had some sort of instability in my right ankle...

and now the same thing happens in my left ankle...
although involving only the front ligament...
well... hopes it heals soon...
the pain's bearable while playing actually... i guess adrenaline really does work...
but after that... like now... wah... every step is like...
SAKIT!!!!

hope it heals soon...

somethings money can't buy

2008-03-18T21:13:00.003+08:00

aiya...
you know how is it when you've got something REALLY good to blog about...
only thing is...
its about somebody... and if they find out they might not be too happy bout it...
but its REALLY~~~~ funny...

but well... not good la...
suffice to say...

ktm ticket to PWTC: 3 bucks
2 minute taxi ride: 5 bucks
MATTA fair ticket purchases: 1000 bucks
girl's reaction upon getting hair wet and shoes soaked due to rain:
-cannot type lar- =_=
try imagine lah...

some things money can buy...
for the rest... there's life...

together dinner

2008-03-06T22:12:00.004+08:00

its a nice thing to be able to eat together...
as a family..
as a group of frens...

i'm not talking about couple couple dinners...
i'm sure they're nice too although i wouldn't know...

i'm talking about the ones where you go to a restaurant and make so much noise that other ppl wish you would just leave...
the ones where you come with so many ppl that they need to bring out the biggest table for you, pull chairs from other tables...
the ones where you nid to go round asking other tables for chairs that they're not using...
the ones where everyone eats together :)... ok... maybe not eating at exactly the same time if everyone orders separately.. but... you know... "together"-laaa...

today was the first time we had a "together" dinner in about 2 weeks...
heh... although its not with the gang i normally eat with... i guess it'll have to do since these are the ppl here...

feels good :)

can't wait for everyone to come back... then we can all have dinner together :)

one week holiday

2008-02-29T21:34:00.002+08:00

one week holiday is over...
heh... even before some ppl realize i'm on holiday i'm back to school...
the past week has been spent...
umm... actually it wasn't spent... it was more like... wasted...
wif a few moments of non-waste interspersed in between...
let's see...
saturday went back home... or was it friday?... heh, can't remember... but anyway... those few days weren't wasted... i did some stuff... err.. some stuff la... can't reli remember wat... but it wasn't wasted... cos' i hadn't switched on the computer yet... yeah, i think i finished yibing's health and nutrition book on saturday...
sunday... was spent in church... and night was when i switched on the computer... heh.. and then the hours flew by as i gradually gained points on kongregate.com.. haha.. obviously that went on for some days...

eventually some more interesting things happened... monday went ampang look out point wif christina,fengY and yeangWee...
erm... tuesday was BIG OPERATION day when i reinstalled vista to try solve video card problems... well it failed =_=... so i continued playing kongregate...
wednesday... kongregate...
thursday... kongregate... oh yeah, collected my specs... which was a waste of money... apparently my power is only 75/100... which is down from my previous broken specs.. my mum says the previous lens were too powerful for me thats why...
friday... is today... also kongregated... oh yeah... paid summons in MELAKA wif kexin :P
tmr... will try to NOT kongregate..
and sunday... well then i'll be back in s'ban... and that would have been one week of holidays gone by...

no wonder ppl say time flies...

it is finished

2008-02-21T09:17:00.002+08:00

after endless hours of sleepless nights (a first for me, i've never initial or terminal insomnia)
after continuous worrying...
it is finished...
EOS7 is over... and everyone passed...
thank God... really thank God...
a great burden is off my shoulders...

Sing my soul...
of the Saviour's love..

Congrats to everyone :).... We MADE IT!!!
Happy Holidays :)

6:59 in the morning

2008-02-17T06:59:00.002+08:00

its a sunday and its 6:59 in the morning...
its been a while since i've been up before the sun...
going to church today... haven't been in i think 3 weeks...
hmmm... almost a month...

thankfully... exams are drawing to an end...
one last lap more... 2 more days and this first "so-called-professional" exam will be done with...

tired...

Battle Cat!!!

2008-02-15T19:28:00.000+08:00

Curiosity killed the battle cat:P... hahahahaha...

picture courtesy of FengY

happy? chinese new year

2008-02-09T15:07:00.000+08:00

this comes a trifle bit late...
seeing as its the third day alredi..
but still... Happy?? Chinese New Year to all the CINA ppl.. :)

but yeah... if you've been surfing my co-IMU-ians blogs.... its been a depressing CNY...
exams on the 5th day of CNY...
but still... although hard to celebrate...
well... rest a bit b4 charging shud be ok kua...

WE'RE BROTHER'S FOREVER!!!

2008-02-04T23:15:00.000+08:00

i don't normally blog about youtube...
but this is hilarious!!!

look for the dance remix and the kids remix which are hilarious as well...
hahahah

I AM YOUR BROTHER
YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER
SINGING THE SONGS, THE MUSICTHAT LiiiiiiiiIIIIIIKE.
We're BROTHERS TILL THE END OF TIME
TOGETHER OR NOT, YOUR ALWAYS IN MY HEART
YOUR HURT, YOUR FEELINGS,
IN YOU WILL REIGN NO MOOOOOORE.

he passed away

2008-01-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

this post...
is in rememberence of Uncle Phua...
Uncle Phua is one of the many uncles from church...
he's retired, and he looks just like any of the other church uncles...
married with one great kid...
he passed away today after a battle with cancer...
its actually almost been a year i think... i suppose it's been pretty up and down...
from the time he was first discovered to have growths in the colon and liver, and then the first biopsy showed benign growths... and then a couple of months ago they re biopsied and discovered malignancies...
and then rapidly downhill..
its sad... because uncle phua is one of the friendliest uncles in church... always saying hi to everyone, close to his son, helping out anyway he can... encouraging ppl... even when he discovered his illness...
hmm... its actually been quite a bad weekend in spite of the recently passed exams...
first juliang getting the relapse and now uncle phua...

gotta keep praying...

the unspoken oath 2

2008-01-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

for unspoken oath 1 ref to fengyblogstoo.blogspot.com
an incident happened which i shall not elaborate on...
lol... but never the less... even though things worked out in a less than ideal way, what's happened has happened...

ermm.... so well... imagine that there's a rabbit... and this rabbit is good friend with a porcupine...
and then the rabbit is also frens with a skunk... so well... one day one of the animals did something wrong and stupid... and then the other animal also retaliated... so the rabbit while trying to avoid injury to both its frens, get spray with stink on one side and kena cucuk on other side... so in the end... what happen is well... one of the animals thought the rabbit was against it, so the rabbit also became dislike by one of the animals...but well, actually i'm another fren of the rabbit (not skunk or porcupine)... but well, its just that the rabbit is trying actually to protect both the skunk and the porcupine from injuring each other... but well... the rabbit is so skinny so some quills also go past and some secretions also get past...
but well...
this is just so that the rabbit's sacrifice is known to those discerning ones la...

so well... to repeat an oft repeated line... to err is human, to forgive is divine...

the unspoken oath is...
blogging has its hazards... but dun build dividing walls over hastily thrown stones...

actually wanted to refer to a story from bible... but i think i'll do that another day... have to bathe now....

sorry if you don't understand...
i know the rabbit will...

*edit- DISCLAIMER- the story about skunks and rabbits and porcupines in no way resembles what actually happened... it's called an ANALOGY... so please don't pick on details...
focus on the rabbit...
it's about the rabbit...
rabbit is cute

coincidence

2008-01-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

wah... i don't believe the sheer coincidencabilitiness of this...
today i went ward as usual...
at the usual time everyone goes to ward...
which ranges from between 8-830am...
well... maybe this is just for my posting only la... maybe other posting ppls go on time at 8...
so actually everyday... correct me if i'm wrong.. but i think most ppl enter the hospital between that time...
so... i'm also the same...
but well... not once, but twice... i've met dato' kandar on the short 5 minute walk to the hospital...
and well... 2nd time alredi he recognize me liao...
actually this is 3rd time for me liao, cos' there was once during PSYCHIATRY posting when i went ward to revise Obs and hopefully some sem6 stuff, cos' that day was "free" for obs...
well so roughly each time i meet DK this is roughly wat happens...
"you're late"
*silence*
"why are you late?"
*silence*
"what posting are you from?"
paeds/psych/ortho...
and then so far he has asked to see...
my group leader... and today was my head of dept.. hmm... haven't done anything about it...
although i feel VERY frustrated... cos' i'm not the ONLY one being "so-called late"... but apparently i'm the only one getting caught...
hmm...
but on the other hand... while i was bathing i thought that actually in a way, he's right la...
i mean... i AM supposed to be in the hospital at 8... regardless of whether other ppl come at that time or not...
oh well...
i suppose on a christian perspective...
i'm not supposed to be as good as other ppl... i'm just supposed to be, good.
or in other words... not just do what everyone thinks to be right... but to do what's right.

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
Hebrews 12:5-6

For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.
Romans 13:3-4

heh.. i just realized... this is the first real update in a wihle...
been... busy...

update

2008-01-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

heh.. this is an update...
yeah... that's just wat it is...
an update...
there's actually a rather interesting discussion going on in christina's blog kiwi-bird.blogspot.com
u can go check it out and contribute to let her know what you think about what's going on in her life...

*update- this post was edited bcos' the word that was previously used may not have been appropriate... wah stress... blogging so long also i din know this sort of thing can happen...

done

2007-12-30T10:58:00.000+08:00

IMS done... research left...
and then study all the way till february...
wow... what fun i'm going to have...
L...
O...
L...
=_=

and then there was one

2007-12-20T17:10:00.000+08:00

home alone...

everyone's gone back...

well... only one more day, then i have my 4 day holiday...

aku takut cicak

2007-12-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

i'll admit... i'm terrified...

when i moved to seremban 3, i knew i'd have to put up with a lot of things...

so when the insects came... that was ok...

when the flying ants came in swarms... that was ok...

when the gonggoks kept on coming... still ok...

when the lizards came... i thought they'd help keep the insect population down.. so.. that was ok...

but today...

there was a GECKO!!! it wasn't just a small mini lizard... it was a whole gigantic GECKO... measuring almost half a metre... err.. ok, not so much... but at least 10-15cm long...

it was... HUGE!!!...AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

and it attack me when i was about to take my bathe...

scary...

now i'm same as yeangwee... scared of cicak...

i'm coming home early tmr to buy sulphur...

postpostpost

2007-12-02T09:09:00.000+08:00

hmm... haven't been blogging in a while...
won't be in church today... cos' supposed to be studying...
aih... nid to kickstart my EOS7 revision....
it's DECEMBER already!! 2 months ONLY more!!!

but december doesn't just bring stress with it...
there's also plenty more to life than just exams...
like STUDY, WARD WORK, REVISE, PREPARE SUMMARY, CFCS, RESEARCH....
ahh... bodoh punye IMU... semua benda dia kasi letak pada "holiday season"... dah lah tak bagi holiday...

but more importantly...
it's CHRISTMAS... yay!! :)
heh... and it's not just about the presents... there's also...
Christmas Celebrations and... reminders about why I believe in what i believe :)

decisions

2007-11-25T17:32:00.000+08:00

haiz...
i hate tough decisions...
especially depressing decisions...

music

2007-11-12T22:23:00.000+08:00

hmm...
sometimes i wonder if i should be doing medicine at all...
life would be so much easier i think if i became...
a musician...
i mean... all i'd have to worry about is practice... having fun while making great music...
can get to meet all sorts of funky "artistic" ppl...
of course... if i was going to earn any money i'd have to be good at playing music... which i suppose would be where the stress would come from...

other benefits would be...

i'd be SO FREE!!!
no need to STUDY!!!
heh... get to try smoking... drugs and getting high... lol... all those musicians either smoke or take drugs to get the "creative" juices flowing... hahaha...
can listen to GREAT music ALL the time...
yeah... actually since reading about substance abuse in Kaplan's i've been really curious about what it'd feel like...
hahaha... curiousity is the first step to drug abuse rite?
maybe that's why i'm studying medicine... so that one day i can sneak a vial of morphine to shoot up my right arm...

lol... i have such a great imagination... and no... i'm not high on drugs or nicotine...
my mum would kill me before the intoxication does... :P

magical prediction no.9

2007-11-06T23:49:00.001+08:00

i'm doing something i haven't done in a while...

Today...

The true meaning of Merdeka will resonate in your ears

the above pic is a picture taken from a merdeka trip we had in melaka...

and err the picture kinda summed up what we did...

syok sendiri...

in the true spirit of merdeka, syok sendiri epitomises the malaysian culture...

well... merdeka is long past... and the only reason i'm blogging about merdeka is bcos' i so happened to pull this "prediction" out...

exams next week...

STUDY!!!

psychiatry

2007-10-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

psych... is frustratingly boring...
even as i entered the posting i began feeling a sense of intense apathy...
hmm....

well... the subject does have it's interesting points...
just that they're not relevant or clinical...
take for example sleep disorders... which would be so majorly interesting if i could see real patients who had them...

Dyssomnias

1)Cataplexy
-brief episodes of muscle weakness or paralysis with no loss of sonsciousness (due to sleepiness)

2) Ekbom syndrome (Restless leg syndrome)
-uncomfortable sensations in legs at rest... relieved by movement
*i think i got this

3)Kleine-Levin syndrome
-periodic disorder of episodic hypersomnolence
-may sleep excessively for SEVERAL WEEKS and awaken only to EAT VORACIOUSLY

Parasomnias
1)Sleep terror disorder
-sudden awakening usually sitting up with intense anxiety

2)Somnambulism
-brief episodes of LEAVING bed and WALKING about without full counsciousness
-amneisa for the event
-can usually be guided back to bed (cool... imagine if you guide him back to other places)
-can sometimes be initiated by placing child in standing position... lolz...

3)Sleep bruxism
-tooth grinding THROUGHOUT the night
*i wonder if je has this... whenever i'm standing near him i can always hear him grinding his teeth

and lastly... just for the funky name...

4)jactatio capitis nocturna
-rhythmic head or body rocking just before or during sleep

haiz... psychiatry... is moving slooooooowly....
to an end...

birthdays

2007-10-28T20:57:00.000+08:00

this month is a month of birthdays :)
amongst the many... there are a few that are close to me...
daniel celebrated his on thursday 25th...
err.. i was actually looking for something i wrote up abt him... tapi tak jumpa... rasanya sudah ter delete...
but... in spite of my apathy... dia seorang kawan yang baik...
sometimes feel like wan to keep him in a plastic bag so that he stop making lame embarassing jokes and touching my face... sometimes best when i got mood to play wif him and can do lame jokes...
but the best thing about him is...
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
he's FAT... haha... no la... he's a good friend la...

the other guy is.... ANDREW the frog!!!
although he's not here... this guy also is a good friend... similarly hilarious but always nice to play and joke with...
always ready with some dumb stuff, he's actually very manly although he looks gentle and sensitive...
btw, by "not here" i mean he's in Otago, NZ... not meaning "not here" as in... u know... lol

others on the birthday roll whom are close too but i won't blog about for the sake of brevity are...
leena sim (a good friend since... kecik.... sangat kecik)
chiyuan wong (also overseas... now holidaying... so tak berapa tau lokasi yang tepatnya... dia abang kawan baik aku punye girlfren... complex rite)
timothy lai (some old married guy... lol.. shh...)
err... if i forget anyone sorry yah... you all lah... who ask to born all together...
never hear b4 contraception and spacing meh...

401

2007-10-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

my 401st post..
hmm... but actually i have other things on my mind other than having so many posts...
i've been noticing my memory becoming poorer recently...
maybe it's because i'm doing psychiatry that i'm thinking i have a dissociative amnestic disorder...
but my memory.. more specifically recent memory is at times... dejectedly abhorrent...
i mean.. i can go downstairs to get something (not that there's anything downstairs to get)....
ok, i can go upstairs to get something for my room..
the actions involved would be... putting the thought into my mind that i want to get... say... a ruler...
so then i get up, walk up the stairs... and the when i reach my room... i'm either distracted by something that grabs my empty brain's attention... or just sit down and think what is it that i wanted to get...
more often than not i'm going back downstairs to continue whatever it was i was doing until i need that ruler again...
case in point would be my forgotten SHIRTS...
and i have been forgetting my clerking excercise book a couple of times this week and during Obs posting...
my distant memory and immediate memory is fine... just... recent 5 minute memory...
in fact,
i was testing a patient for 5 object memory at 1 and 5 minutes...
she could remember 4 items...
so could i... i couldn't remember the last one...
and i thought...
okay... who's the patient now...

btw... the past 2 nights have been a bit disturbing...
last night i dreamt that i was in the psych ward... and the patients were fine... but everyone was saying i was the one with psychotic delusions in spite of my earnest protests... hmm... scary...
is this folie a deux?

hari raya card

2007-10-24T22:08:00.000+08:00

i recieved a hari raya card from yeangwee...
heh, i suppose he had a ball of a time getting people to sign it and give it to me...
i'm mildly amused at his preoccupation with me...
i actually found it mildly odd...
so, i don't know whether i should thank him or do what...
so i just thought i'd acknowledge the reciept of the card and everyone who put in the effort to humor yeangwee and me? to put their little 2cents worth into the card...

yeah... odd...

magical prediction number 8?

2007-10-22T21:15:00.000+08:00

yeah... i'm back online and in seremban...
and so i thought... with nothing much to blog about...
i'd fall back on those magical prediction's that i so rarely pull out of the bottle...

today...
your family will call you unexpectedly. Act Surprised.

well... they didn't call... but i certainly did call them...
because i'd forgot to bring back the shirts i took to wash back to seremban and left them in KL...
thankfully, HL was going to BJ for debate... so i asked him to pick up the shirts since he's there...
so i called home to tell them... well... my sister was ok about it....
but apparently now my mum thinks i'm walking around shirtless under the lab coat... LOL...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

2007-10-13T10:52:00.000+08:00

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!
won't be bringing back my comp this time...
so it'll be 9 days of no computer and no internet...
have a HAPPY RAYA ^^